How I Became Me
I feel it is important to share my story to put into context this site and blog and to give my readers the emotional background behind why I do what I do. I have always been a fit and healthy person, always into my sports growing up and my parents always encouraged a healthy active lifestyle. I joined the army at the age of 18 and remained active. I always tried to beat the boys at whatever it was we were doing and was forever in the mindset that I could be as good as I wanted to as long as I put in the hard yards to get there. I was viewed by my peers and colleagues as "fairly fit" and enjoyed the competitiveness of my job and career.
The Diagnosis - Early 2011
After nearly 7 years in the army I was medically discharged with Chronic Bronchitis. I simply got a cold (October 2010) and never got any better. It started on my deployment in Afghanistan (2009) with a chest infection that took a while to get over while in the dusty and harsh conditions and being already run down from crazy shiftwork. On return to Australia in sunny Brisbane i got a cold possibly picked up the week before on the flight home from Europe. Forced to keep doing physical training and keep up at work due to a highly incompetent doctor that advised my staff "it was all in my head, and she was unsure of what was actually wrong with me" I wasn't getting any better after weeks of treatment which turned into months of testing at the Wesley Hospital. Professor Roger Allen was determined that i had some kind of exercise induced Asthma and never believed the symptoms that i was advising i was having. Finally a Bronchoscopy showed that i had Chronic Bronchitis. What shocked me the most was the way in which this news was given to me by this so called medical professional..
"Stephanie you’re just going to have to get use to not doing anything because this won't heal, it’s a life-long condition. If you’re lucky it may only stick around for 10-20 years but in most cases it doesn’t go and the symptoms will vary". I asked if there were anything out there that could ease the symptoms to which the response was "No, you need to accept it and get over it and then find something else you can enjoy that doesn’t require a level of fitness". My heart was broken. I had just been told that i have a life-long condition and to suck it up and get over it. I proceeded to tell this professor what i thought of his careless tactics of breaking that kind of news to someone, and shared my thoughts quite openly and verbally.
Discharging from the Army - December 2011
Back at work i started the medical discharge process which i can tell you is usually a lengthy process, but to make it even harder the army medical system was in the middle of an overhaul and no decisions or paper work would be processed until it had finished....So there i was.. in complete limbo. I could not do my job because i was medically discharging, however this wasn’t in writing so i had my hierarchy on my back every day asking questions like; what is happening with me, can i join in physical training (PT) yet, can i run yet, why can’t i run, quite often being pulled into the boss' office with statements like "the doc doesn’t understand why you can’t do PT yet, she says she is only going off the symptoms you’re telling her and we need you to go out field so she is going to give you a waiver. Oh and while you’re up there (in Townsville on field exercise) your due for a basic fitness assessment, so you can do that up there"
My thoughts at the time were; sure I’m all of a sudden better because i have a fitness assessment due and the unit wants me to go on a field exercise, even though i can’t walk and talk without wheezing or walk up a flight of stairs to your office SIR!.. Morons.. Absolute morons.. They ended up sending me up on the field exercise with 'restrictions' and i had to walk from my room to where the exercise was being held (about a 15-20 min walk) they never understood why i couldn’t do much when i got there.. I was exhausted and light headed and tired, and that made me angry. Even after explaining all this to my boss he still told me he was scheduling a fitness assessment. Then we were in the mess hall and i had just had enough, i couldn’t take any more of the boss hassling me about it and he sat opposite me and said "your booked in for tomorrow morning" I lost it... I saw red... I verbally abused him not knowing the ridiculously large amount of highly ranked officers sitting behind me at the next table.. Whoopsy :)
I didn’t end up doing the fitness assessment, yet back in Brisbane i still went back to coping flak from my hierarchy.. day in and day out until the day I discharged.. My only savior was a few really close peers and my immediate supervisor "Auntie Boo".
My Dark Place - 2011/2012
Running and exercise was previously my method of stress relief. If i had something on my mind or wasn’t feeling very enlightened then i would go and pound the pavers or hit the gym. In a flash that was taken away from me. What was i to do now. I couldn’t play with my pets, i couldn’t mow my lawns, some days even doing the housework proved all too difficult. My friends and family would try and support me but i think i shut them all out. I didn't want to go out with my friends because they were all energetic and i feared that i would be a drag on them. I hated hearing their stories of adventures. I was in a very dark place. Something a lot of my friends and family don’t know is that i almost ran over someone with my car. I was on my way home from work one day and a lot of people were taking part in some kind of race (can't remember exactly what the race was for) i was so upset that i couldn’t join in, and had to explain to them why.. They laughed and said i could be the 'water boy'. I was so incredibly upset. I hated everyone that was fit or could run.. There was a lady running past and i was stuck in traffic and all i could think was "you b*tch, how dare you run past me are you trying to rub it in" I somehow thought that she was showing off and i hit the accelerator of the car and i just wanted to i suppose disable her in whatever way so she would know how i felt. Luckily i snapped out of whatever mind frame i was in. When i got home i realised what thoughts had gone through my head and realised that things needed to change or i would end up dead or in jail..
My Turning Point - Early 2012
That dark place was my turning point. I put pen to paper and wrote down my feelings, where i was and where i wanted to be, and how i was going to get there. I did a lot of soul searching and turned to the people who inspired me the most for help (although most don’t know it to this day.. Mum.. Nae (sis).. Andy C.. Auntie Boo.. just to name a few). I started to rid my life of negativity and tried really hard to increase positivity to all areas or aspects of my life. It was difficult, and there were definitely bad days.
The Answer - Mid 2012
After conducting some hefty research i decided to give Halotherpy a go. Also known as salt therapy, its pretty much a scrubbing brush to the lungs and immune system. So many uses for it, i would recommend it to everyone. I took note of the feedback on sites and it seemed to be from people who hadn’t tried it for long enough. So i thought- I’ll try it for 6 months (January- June 2012) and we'll see what happens. So i purchased a Halo Salt Air Pod online for about $100 including delivery. I ran the machine every night which put a haze of Himalayan salt air in my room. After months of running it, it did cover everything in a super-fine layer of salty dust. The recovery was so gradual i didn’t even notice it. Once day i got to the top of the stairs at work and i wasn’t wheezing. i thought it may have been a coincidence. After using the machine for 6 months i mowed my lawns... It was that day that the penny dropped. I realised i had not been able to mow my entire lawn since i got sick back in late 2010. It was now June 2012.
It was that day I decided to go for a run. I left my driveway with the thought of "if i can get to the end of my street which is 1km ill be laughing". Well i got to the end of my street, my legs hurt but my lungs were feeling great, so i ran all the way back... but i didn’t stop at my driveway.. I kept going, and going, i got the giggles a few times, and kept on running. I couldn’t stop myself. I started crying and ran home.. I had just ran 6kms.. I was in disbelief. I called my mum, i told everyone on Facebook, i even emailed the distributor of the Halo Salt Air Pod machine with an update. It felt like the happiest day in my entire life! The following week was the 2012 Gold Coast Airport Marathon; i saw it on TV and said "I'm doing that full marathon in 2013". I sat down and started writing a training plan and some goals. I had a purpose again, i had goals to reach, and it felt like I had a new life.
The Running Addiction - 2012 to 2013 and beyond
Once i started running i couldn’t stop, i felt free again. I quickly became even more positive than i had ever been before. I was so grateful to have everything in life that i had. I felt unstoppable. Some days when i ran i got the giggles.. other days i shed a few tears.. I was still in a little bit of disbelief. I joined a Jetts gym near work and made sure i got in the right amount of km's each week. I was on track and aiming for 4hrs 30min as a finishing time for my first marathon, it was a time that i could get but not too easy that i didn’t have to work hard to get there. July 2013 came around and i completed the marathon in a time of 4hrs 31min :) i sent a photo of me crossing the finish line to Professor Roger Allen at the Wesley with what i believed at the time was a well worded statement that pretty much said "up yours, how about you look at a new career". I never did hear back from him.
My New Frame of Mind In Life - Nowadays
The last few years have really put me in a frame of mind that i will hopefully carry throughout the rest of my life. I feel as though it has made me a better person on the inside and a much more positive person. Between my career in the army and the experience over the last couple of years I have grown in to the person i want to be. I am proud of my achievements and i hope to inspire at least one other person with this story or my blog.
Best Wishes,
Steph
xxx